My former self and I
Wept as we said goodbye
Her magnetism began to fade
Along with old habits she had made
And when I stepped out of her broken shell
The anguish was deeper than Dante’s hell
A darkness consumed each synapse of thought
The tears of clarity had begun to wrought
I see more clearly where deception had defeated me
I see with fresh eyes my own lies that nearly shattered me
And all the while I had failed to see
Where the richness of life had been comforting me
I had been grateful
I had been true
But I’d been living behind others’ false truths
Enhanced awareness has already arose
The trust I have in myself now grows
I am learning how to better listen
To the tugs and pulls from the Universe within…
And when I shook off the last drop of her essence
A silence took shape within my presence
A calmness flutters inside my heart
Each breath feels bigger from stop to start
Death is not always what it seems
It’s merely a phase of life in our dreams

NOTES:

I wrote this poem the morning of December 9, 2020. A morning when I shed the final tears of a dark awakening AKA dark night of the soul. I have come to the understanding that I had been holding onto certain ideas in my head – ideas that were hindering the very progression of my soul as it attempts to navigate this infinite realm of possibilities. I had always known that to detach oneself was a form of liberation, but I hadn’t learned – or even known to look at – how to detach myself from ideas.

Everyone knows Bruce Lee for his quote about water. But I believe his teachings about why you should be an empty vessel are of more significance, if not the same. I see how my over-thinking that led to anxiety stemmed from too many strong ideas and beliefs mosh-pitting in my head. I needed to learn how to release… all the water from my vessel so that the Universe can fill it with fresh in-the-moment epiphanies. But even as it fills, I must continue to release. An even flow that sometimes ebbs during a Dark Night of the Soul. But the final release will come, and we always feel more at peace than we ever did before when it does.

The first time I experienced this I was 20. My heart had been broken. The second time was just a year later at 21. I had adopted a lifestyle that wasn’t meant for me. The third time I was 27. Seeing through the lies and deceptions. The fourth was at 29. Pushing through the finding my daughter had a genetic misalignment. And now alas… 34. Realizing I had been attached to false truths.